ANCHOR ARTICLE: Written for KAREN KRUPP by Val Roskens Tews
CHOOSING YOURSELF!
I have been through it all, so there is absolutely no judgment on my part. My passion is to help women who are in struggling relationships.
I want to help you love yourself fully in order to heal your own heart and to feel confident in your decisions. This can happen by focusing on your own personal growth work and it starts with choosing yourself.
Are you a “people-pleaser” who does everything for everyone else, except yourself? Are you sick and tired of being that way, but you don’t know how to change? Personal growth starts from within and it’s a decision you choose to make, starting with loving yourself and choosing yourself.
If you don’t think you can do that right now, I’m here to say it is possible.
Start by embracing the following three steps:
- Allow life to unfold instead of creating it from stress, people-pleasing, and “yessing” everyone else.
- Practice forgiveness of yourself and others. Let go of resentment, bitterness, bitching, and complaining.
- Find out who you are as a woman – not just as a wife/partner. Know that your needs, desires, hopes, and dreams are all vastly important
Allow life to unfold
I have a belief and it’s from Louise Hay’s work – everything is happening for you. Try to relax, step back, and see what is happening in your life, instead of stressing and trying to do, do, do. Try to be more in “being-ness” – being present and being mindful. You are creating this life, all that is happening to you.
Say someone – a partner – is not there for you. That means you have to look within yourself – what is happening inside. Ask yourself: Where am I not being there for myself? What do I need to start doing for myself? When you start doing for yourself, life starts to unfold in a better way. It will affect the people around you, such as your partner, because you start taking care of yourself and you aren’t being dependent on another person to meet your needs.
Unfolding means stepping back and being in your own presence. It means focusing on what’s going on inside of you. It means getting back to your heart and out of your head.
Practice forgiveness
As hard as this may be, practicing forgiveness is crucial. You need to let go of resentment, bitterness, bitching, and complaining. If you’re like me, I tended to beat myself up a lot. You go to do something for yourself and when you do, you feel selfish. Forgive yourself and anything you’ve done, for the complaining, and for any resentment you hold against others.
I have found it so essential to forgive others because they are where they are and they are also on a learning journey. I discovered that it’s not for me – or for you – to decide what their journey is. You and I need to look at ourselves and do the work necessary from within. That may mean letting go of the past. A lot of the past creates who you and I are now. Do you need to forgive parts of your past – your past self or past relationships?
It may start with your parents because they were your first relationship. How you were raised does affect how you live your life. Is this a relationship that needs healing? For me, my dad wasn’t there for me, wasn’t affectionate, and wasn’t around, but he was a good provider. I ended up marrying good providers who weren’t around, weren’t affectionate, and weren’t there for me.
Forgiving your past patterns, failed relationships, and past actions puts you on the path to healing.
Find out who you are
Determine what you want. Discover your inner child, that playfulness again. Who do you want to be? What did you love doing? Bring that back into your life. Maybe it’s more time reading or connecting with nature. Maybe it’s volunteering or writing a book. For me, it’s walking in nature, crafting, sewing, or enjoying family time.
What do you see yourself doing? From my experience, I focused so much on what my husband wasn’t doing for me, what I thought he should be giving me that he wasn’t, that I didn’t focus on what I could do for myself. But, when you start doing things for yourself, you become a better human being and someone people will want to be around.
Give yourself permission
I am giving you permission to do something for yourself – to put yourself first. I needed to hear that when I was struggling. I’m not sure why we think we need “permission” but we seem to. Maybe it goes back to childhood. Maybe it goes back to those limiting beliefs that say you can’t do something. You have permission to want, desire, and have a joyful life that you create. Limiting beliefs may be stopping you from creating a life and relationship you desire.
When you choose to find out who you are – what your needs, desires, hopes, and dreams are – you will discover you not only have permission to do so, but you are deserving and worthy of them! That is something I had to say to myself repeatedly when I was depressed. I had to realize that I am worthy and I do not have to earn it! I am worthy just the way I am! I chose to start creating a good relationship with myself. One that wasn’t dependent on anyone else.
How to create a positive impact for yourself
First, start with creating a better connection to yourself and your higher source (whatever that is for you – God, the universe, your inner being). By doing so, you can feel empowered in your own life decisions. When you start to do your own inner work, changes in life start to happen.
When you begin doing your own inner work, your partner might choose to shift as well. By seeing how great it is for you, it may help your relationship.
Second, shift your energy to embody and receive or manifest what you want and deserve. Start releasing all of that heavy energy that’s in your body. Get rid of it – through exercise, breath work, meditation. You need to start with the physical because that heavy energy is stuck in your body.
You also may need to get rid of the negative energy of anger. You may be carrying a lot of anger which you’ve buried because you didn’t think you had “permission” to let it out. That was me. I know now that when I feel anger, I need to go for a walk, punch the mattress, scream in the car, or do something else that releases the anger from my body.
Third, get in touch with your mind/body health in order to bring back confidence and self-esteem. Start taking care of your body, so you can feel good about yourself, inside and out. It’s not about dieting or weight loss. It’s about really loving and feeling good in your body.
Know when your body is speaking to you. I think it’s important to exercise and be outside in nature. I think it’s also important to pay attention to what you put into your body. I’ve seen people eat all kinds of crap and know it hurts their body, but they keep eating it. I’m a health nut, so I think about what I eat. I’m off so many kinds of foods, because my body has told me this – and I choose to listen to it.
For example, I went off caffeine because I knew it was affecting my hormones. When my hot flashes stopped, I knew I couldn’t go back to having caffeine. Some women would say to me, “Oh, I’m not giving up my coffee.” But then they’d complain to me about their hot flashes. Yikes!
It is important to listen to your body because feeling good inside and out helps you to be a better partner. How you feel – good or crappy – determines what you bring to the relationship. Do you have a good attitude or a crappy one?
Finally, discover the tools that will help you navigate confidently and will help you love yourself. Self-love is so powerful and can be done through:
- Mirror work
- Positive affirmations
- Journaling
- Meditation
- Mindfulness
- Energy clearing
- A healthy body
- Connecting with nature
- Timeline therapy (releasing major emotions and limiting beliefs and integrating opposing beliefs)
When you create a healthy, loving relationship with yourself, it helps to create better relationships with others. I know for me, I can go out in nature, hug a tree, and feel so cared for and loved! I don’t need another person to do that for me. That’s my connection to God, my higher Source.
No judgment
I listen with understanding and compassion. I have a history of shame, guilt, and forgiveness, so I won’t ever judge your journey. I’ve been doing personal growth work for 18 years. I know what it’s like to choose the wrong man or lose the right one because I was in my head and not my heart. I’ve been on the side of cheating and lying and being lied and cheated on.
I love deeply and want to help you embrace your bravery as I have. You may have a willing partner if you get out of your head and into your heart. I want to help you find clarity through your own inner work.
I left money and security for self-love, respect, and my health. It was really hard for me to leave. I was so afraid of being alone and not having enough money – but I did it anyway! I figured it out.
I’ve embraced bravery to face my fears and allowed vulnerability to lead me. I want you to feel empowered and to thrive in the relationship you’re in or to leave with dignity if you feel you need to get out of it.
I have no regrets and I know that life is showing me the way to better myself. I want to share with you what I’ve learned and help you do the same.
Start your journey with Heart & Soul
Is this you? Are you ready to choose yourself? Your self-love is waiting to be found. I’d love to help you start that journey. DM me or email me at anotherwayforwardcoaching@gmail.com.
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Contact information for Karen Krupp:
https://www.linkedin.com/in/karenkrupp/
anotherwayforwardcoaching@gmail.com